Today I’m doing something quite crazy in my mind… I’m committing myself to a 31 day experiment.
When I left for the retreat last week, I need to tell you the truth: I was OVER it. I was over cleaning, and serving, and volunteering, and washing, and doing, and answering, and feeling like a puppet. I was over being exhausted, lonely, and feeling overlooked. I was dried up on the inside and dying (praying!) for the time away to light me up.
As I shared with you yesterday, the time away did renew me. The hard part about that, though, is that it didn’t renew me only because it was all fun and roses. (Sometimes we think fun will solve all of our problems, don’t we?) No – the deeper reason I came back renewed is because I did something I had been struggling not to do: face the Truth my hard heart was the reason for my exhaustion. As we opened the Word and shared our stories with one another, minute by minute, brick by brick the wall of bitterness separating me from the Truth came down until, all at once, I saw clearly: I wasn’t doing what I was called to do.
I am called to be a servant – that’s just what it is. I am married, I have babies, we have a life that requires my 100%… yet, I had stopped seeing it as a get to and turned it into a ‘got-to’. I had been running from “servant”, fighting against “servant”, hating the word “servant”… yet, on the very last day of our time together, one of the sweet gals handed me a printed word and said, “I’ve been praying for you… and as I prayed I asked the Lord for a word to share with you. He gave me this word…”
I reached out – excited to see “powerful”, “leader”, “strong”, “courageous”… yet, you know what she handed me?
I didn’t know what to say in that second (especially since disappointment was coming on fast like a tidal wave), so thank God she continued. “… and here’s the verse this word for you flows from. I held back the tidal wave, looked her in the eyes, and she read to me Matthew 11:28-29: “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.”
I wept. Like, I couldn’t hold it back kinda cry. It was like Jesus has stepped down from heaven in the form of my sweet sister, grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “SERVANT – LEARN FROM ME. SERVE LIKE I’M ASKING YOU TO AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOUL.”
It was a life-changing moment… that moment standing by Priest Lake with Jesus and Truth.
Now that I’m back, the challenge begins. Change doesn’t just happen – we have to MOVE in the direction we want to go in. And, me? I want to go in the direction of green pastures, still waters, and joy in the day-to-day of my actual, everyday, very real life. It’s where He’s calling me – to learn what SERVANT looks like so that I can life free, and full, and bright like He did when He walked this earth.
Studies show that the best learning happens when we engage ALL senses. This means for the next 31 days…
Here’s the plan:
Each day I will wake up with a new Truth to meditate on; a Truth that will help me get my focus off me and back on Him. I will read it with my eyes, speak it with my mouth (2 senses)… and then I’ll also assign myself an activity for the day that will reinforce what I’m meditating on (hopefully engaging touch, taste, smell).
I don’t know how this is gonna work – I’m literally thinking of it as I go and praying for inspiration. All I know is this: in the valley of dry bones, the only thing that can bring life, and form, and wholeness back is His Spirit pouring into us.
This is where I’m at… with dry bones that need a good, long soak.
What do you say… join me?
If so, come on over to Facebook and Instagram where I’ll be posting my daily verses and activities. Also, please tell me: what sucks the life out of your bones? Hearing what you have to say will be great inspiration for where to focus this journey. We’re in this together, you know – and I’d love to walk hand in hand as we pursue His heart.